Never Underestimate a Girl

I have not posted anything in awhile, so I thought I would post something about my parent/teacher conference yesterday at Taylor's new school.  You will get some hint about my mood in going by Taylor's advice - "Mommy, please be nice - this guy is my teacher and I have to go every day."  First, a little background.  When we first came to Albania, Taylor went to Tirana International School, where most of the other American embassy kids go and where a large number of Albanians and various other internationals go.  She was there from April through about mid-June, and I swear I never saw her do one minute of homework.  She loved the social interaction at the school, but I thought if she remained here for the next couple of years, then her brain would just go to mush.  Another drawback of the school is that the facilities are terrible - essentially, it is a bunch of old frame houses that they have converted into classrooms.  So, I set about trying to find another school.

Some of the other American kids go to a school known as GDQ - I do not know what that stands for, but do know that this is the school started by missionaries and is quite religious.  Having grown up in some churches that I now think had questionable theology, I am very reluctant to have any sort of organized religious teaching of my child by a school.  So, that school was not an option - plus, it only goes through 8th grade, so that was another drawback.  So, I discovered Memorial International School of Tirana (MIST), otherwise known as the Turkish school.  Many Albanians told me that this was a good school, the academics were rigorous, and the kids who go there have gotten international scholarships.  MIST teaches all classes in English, and has separate classes in Albanian grammar and history for the Albanian students.  Just before Taylor came home for the summer, she and I visited the school.  It is a 4-story building, nice facility, computer labs, science labs, British curriculum - you get the point.  They insisted on testing her in math and science before they would admit her, so after looking at the school, I left her there for about 2-3 hours of testing.  She did fine on the tests and was accepted for this fall.  She is the first and only American kid in the school - this does have its drawbacks.  For example, any function that I attend at the school or at the invitation of the school, I am treated like royalty - in one instance, they presented me with a large bouquet of flowers that I then carried around like an idiot for the rest of my time at the school.

Anyway, MIST requires all students to wear uniforms, which I actually think is a good thing.  As a parent, you don't have to argue about what is ok to wear, what other kids are wearing, etc.  They all wear the same thing - so, it's easy.  Most of the kids in Taylor's class are Turkish, with a smattering of Albanians, one Jordanian, and an Egyptian girl named Pinar who has come to be her best friend.  The thorn in her side is an Albanian boy named Kreshnik, who constantly picks on her and eggs on the other boys to do the same.  My one concern with sending her to a school without a lot of Americans was this whole boy/girl issue - here in Albania, men are revered - women, not so much.

It is difficult to understand the status of women in Albania, so I will share this story to try and explain at least a part of it.  One of the young prosecutors that I work with the most called his boss after a particular hearing, one that I attended, and told him "it's a boy."  So, I asked what are you talking about?  He explains that if you have good news, i.e., we won at the hearing, then you say "it's a boy."  If not, of course, then "it's a girl."  Despite my role here as an advisor and presumably a diplomat, I jumped on him with both feet.  You see, this particular prosecutor has a young daughter (age 2 or so), so I asked if he thought it was bad news when his daughter was born.  He said of course not, and I proceeded to lecture him about the continuing stereotypes here in Albania that men are better than, smarter than, women.  But, I digress.

So, fast forward, Taylor comes home earlier this week to tell me about a play they are doing at school.  The essence of the play is that the class goes on a field trip, then it begins to rain, so they have to come up with something to do while they wait for the rain to stop.  The solution is an impromptu talent show.  So, for her portion, Taylor planned to do a dance and lipsync to a song called "Never Underestimate a Girl."  The lyrics to the song are sort of girl-power-type stuff such as "She might be the president, make all the rules; don't try to win the game, you're only gonna lose."  That kind of stuff.  So, her English/literature teacher, an American guy from Chicago, decides that this song might "offend" the boys - I kid you not, this is what he said.  So, she comes home to tell me, on the day after the U.S.  has elected Barack Obama as the next president, that she won't be able to do this song because the teacher let the boys "vote" on whether she should be allowed to do it or not, and they of course all voted no.  I quizzed her many times about this, even got on the internet to make sure the lyrics weren't suggestive or anything, and she assured me that the teacher was just worried about the boys.  I gave her my business card and told her to have her teacher call me.  

As fate would have it, Taylor came home the next day with a letter inviting me to the first parent/teacher conference day which was yesterday, Friday.  So, I held off on talking  to the teacher until then, and in the meantime, he actually changed his mind and said Taylor could perform her dance to this song.  However, I still raised the issue with him at our conference.  This guy actually said that after he read the lyrics, it sounded to him like the girl in the song was trying to rule the world and would not be willing to collaborate with others.  Because he is trying to foster "cooperation" among his kids, he did not think that the boys would appreciate such a song, so he let them vote on it.  While I took a couple of deep breaths, I asked if Taylor or any of the girls for that matter got to vote on anything the boys would be doing in the play, and he said no.  After that, I told him that he may not have noticed that having a bunch of women who were running the world did not appear to be a huge problem at this point in our history.  I also told him that maybe it would be good for these little Albanian and Turkish boys to learn that they could not dictate what girls should be allowed to do, a practice he appeared to be supporting by allowing them to vote on what my daughter could do in this play.  His defense was that he did not like to say "no" to anyone and just wanted them all to get along.  I was sort of speechless at this statement and wanted to say, these are 12-year-old 7th graders, you're the teacher, get a damn backbone - but, I did not.  

What I did say is that apparently my daughter was having some issues with one particular Albanian boy.  I told him this could be because my daughter is a little outspoken, she will not cower from a fight, she will say what she believes, and in spite of all that, she will try to be friends with everyone, even knuckleheaded little chauvinist boys.  I assured him that he should blame me for her personality, because her mother is a little strong-willed (ok, maybe a lot).  I also told him that maybe this play could foster a discussion about gender roles in Albania in particular and the world in general.  If so, then that is a good thing.

I got home just in time to load the car with my white chili and head to the Ambassador's residence.  I shared the story with Taylor (and 2 of her Albanian girlfriends) on the way home from the chili party, and she is now dreading going to school on Monday.  I told her no worries, at least I did not do what Miss Brenda advised (Miss Brenda works at the embassy, is a very strong Southern woman, and she advised me to rip off the teacher's head and use it as a bowling ball - Taylor and Miss Brenda have become fast friends and just adore each other).  I guess that's the end of the story - I will do a post after the play, which will be performed later this month, and let you know if all of the boys fainted at the prospect of hearing that girls can in fact be powerful.